Last words of a Love Fool.

Oh, here it is again. This Day of Valentines, well-intentioned but love-blinded cards, and candy-coated thoughts of mushiness.

Remember being kids.... scrutinizing store-bought cutouts for just a hint of interpretation - did she purposely curve that letter in just a way to tell me she'd secretly longed for me ever since I didn't tag her at kick ball? Or did she get a hand cramp while writing? Or maybe she was just the whore of 4th grade.

So much as changed since then. You grow older, and eventually don't even take the time to write out by hand; Affirmations are even expressed by email these days, and not even in actual cards.

But email can seem cold and sterile, even perceived as dashed off and thoughtless. But it does have its place in putting a smile on our faces when we see that one special name appear in our in-box. We almost expect the "pop up"...even taking offense when it doesn't happen- standing in the midst of self-realization to find that someone didn't even take finger to key and type off a few monosyllabic words to even show they're thinking of us.

And we still read into every word written, like we did way back. Hoping our intended pays as much attention to our craft as the time we took to to even consider them worthy of our prose. So, how does one keep the romance alive, and ensure the other isn't really just quick-skimming and "yeah yeahing" through your carefully crafted e-words of devotion?

I hereby submit the following last lines to tack onto your odes to love.


"We have to stop meeting like this. The restraining order clearly specifies the parameters."

"I'd better go, the dog just got sucked into a sink hole."

"Have you ever farted and sneezed at the exact same moment?"

"So weird how your belly button smells like shorts after a triathalon."

"Was that the doorbell? Did you hear that?"

"You are pretty much the only person I really mostly ever think about."

"Please do not search for my name on You Tube."

"Hm. You must have just been thinking of me. I threw up a little in my mouth."

"Uh oh. I just saw your apparition in my grilled cheese."

"It's peanut butter jelly time! Peanut butter jelly time!"

"And sorry again about the pink eye. Forgot to wash my hands after scratching the cat."

" 'You burnt my house down, you burnt my house down.' Geez. Just once, can I get through one year without you digging that up? Let it go."

"Did you put the milk back in the fridge when it was almost empty?"

"More in love with you than ever, now that I've Googled you."

"Why is it, every time I log into your account, you haven't saved any of my emails?"

"I still carry some of your hair in my wallet."

"Please pick up your socks next time. They do not belong in the middle of the floor."

"Stop mentioning me to your therapist."

"I look forward to your complete discounting of the above."

"Gotta run, but signing my name below hereby exonerates me from what I assume are already allegations from others in your inbox."


You gotta love someone. No matter what they say.