What if we knew time would stop the next day? What if we knew this day would infinitely be our last? How would we spend our last day on Earth? It's an age-old pondering many have spent in countless heated debates, dissecting the merits of time wasting and last moments well spent. One might spend the day expressing true feelings to our most loved ones. Maybe saying words left unsaid. Some may choose to eat an entire package of Oreos in one sitting. I've done that. So...box checked.
Now, how about if only one of us knew the world was ending? I'm not talking about some bearded, picket-sign carrying, "repent now or thyne will be lost" crazy bags-for-shoes guy who smells like cheese and sausage, and shouts all bug-eyed in your face when you're standing in line just to snag free steak-on-a-stick samples from the Super Wal Mart. No wacky tripod aliens snagging people with vending machine claws. Silly gooses, trying to outrun aliens. I'm talking about, time just stopping: the world just slowing down, like a dying winter car battery. everyone just fading into a peaceful....zzzzzzzzzz.
I'm talking, what if only YOU knew it was for certain? For the sake of exercise and my ego, let's say it was only ME who knew. What would I do, on our collective last day....hm...
Well, I can certainly tell you what I wouldn't do:
- No 'Bless You's' anymore to sneezes. Wasted words on my part. I figure, at this point, the damage is done; if you don't have it figured out by now... and no fair fake sneezing with a cough to get one in under the wire from someone else. I'll call that shite out, and you still aren't getting one from me.
- No waiting in lines. Anywhere. Especially when you're up there arguing with the cashier because she smooshed your bread with your Spaghetti-O's. I might even just barge into a public restroom, and knock you out of the way mid-stream. (No, I wouldn't. I'd just pee in the street. Maybe even in your pool.)
- No driving on the streets. Streets are for those delusioned with believing they have time on their hands. I'd drive through yards and medians, 'cause I got places to go and a short time to get there. Maybe drive backwards. And no courtesy waves, either.
- No pauses between thoughts or sentences. Gaps will be filled with either "Na Naaaa's" or "Oooooooo", just like the chorus or bridge to a song. I'm not even gonna bother thinking about my inner-censor. I'll just say, "Who cares? Your stories suck", or "You too!" when told to have a nice day (because why be a complete tool and risk a beat-down the whole day? Plus, I love irony and being an inner anarchist.)
- No holding my farts in. Enough said.
What I WOULD do:
- Eat in the supermarket. Undaunted. And I'll share.
- Go head first down the biggest playground slide I can find.
- Ride with my hand stuck outside the car window. Okay, Mom, we'll see what REALLY happens. If it DOES get cut off, oh well. What's there is there. And in eternity, doesn't it grow back into some sort of Go-Go Gadget mechanism any way? I thought I read that somewhere.
- Make verbal honking sounds to those in my way. With scissors in my hand. While running. Outside. In the snow. With shorts on. And no jacket.
- Tell everyone in shouting distance who matters most in my life how much of an impact they have made on me, and I have become who I am because of them, good or bad. Nothing could have been the same without them, and I wouldn't have changed the path. You know who you are. From family and friends, an ex-fiance', to that girl at Petsmart who once told me the difference between cat litters. (Because they would have no point of reference to the world ending, I'd of course run the risk of sounding all mushy-hearted and starry eyed. But better to be dead outside and emotionally spent, than to be gone and remembered as dead inside.)
Wow. This could get heavy just thinking about. Maybe I just practice now, with that last number 5 (the other "first" one, I've pretty much got down.)
Anyone with me?
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